At home, at school or at work, in any other place, we communicate with different people. The relationships with some people are warm, with others - conflict-ridden, and there are people who we can not tolerate, even though we communicate with them every day.
During coaching sessions, many of the clients` problems are related to their relationships. The initial issues of some clients are directly connected to the relationships with their parents, colleagues or partners. The issues of other clients are connected to the relationships indirectly and revealed over time. The coaching session often stimulates the process, as coaching is also a relationship between a coach and a customer.
Our ego is in the core of the relationship. It is formed and continues to exist through relationships. We form our first relationship with our parents or with those who were next to us when we were born. Later in life, we use the experience of our parents or other significant relationships to communicate with other people.
It is interesting that in our relations with every other person we project the experience of the relations formed years ago with our parents, with all its positive and negative manifestations.
Most often, this experience becomes automatic for us, and then unconscious. So let's take a look at our relationships with people right now: family, friends, study or work, and answer a few questions for ourselves.
1․ How can I describe my relationship with other people (100% distribution). For example, 30% are conflicted, 40% are neutral, 20% are good, 10% are very bad.
2․ Pay attention to what areas of your life these relationships are in, what results you have in those areas, where your relationships are conflicted. Do you try to spend less time and effort? What results do you have in those areas, where your relationships are good? Do you record high results in that sphere of life?
3․ Keep the following in mind. What does irritate you in the person with whom you have a conflict? Those qualities you do not accept in yourself. Be attentive! It does not mean that you do not have those qualities, it means that you have, but you do not accept them. Then answer the next question. What do you like in the person with whom you have a good relationship? Be attentive! You may not express those qualities. However you have them.
Of course, there are days when you are in no mood and everything seems to go wrong: both work and relationships with people. At home you argue with family members, at work it seems like you can't communicate with anyone, you can't find common ground with your colleagues.
What is the reason and what to do in such cases to get out of that "black line"?
The reason is that the quality of the relationship is closely linked to our inner state. When we feel good about ourselves, relationships with people are good and effective. And vice versa, when we are upset, the relations are bad and conflicting.
When we are in internal conflicts, we are confused, we can not find our place, relationships are conflicted, confused, unstable.
This means that we can improve our relationships with other people simply by improving our inner state, keeping our mood and energy high, resolving internal conflicts and regulating our thoughts and emotions.
And, miraculously, relationships with people will automatically improve․