The Chinese proverb says։ ”That the birds of worry and care fly over your head, this you cannot change, but that they build nests in your hair, this you can prevent”.
We usually try to control everything around us so that we do not appear in an uncertain situation. On the one hand, it is helpful because many of us feel stressed about the uncertainty, as we fear from uncertainty and try to avoid it. On the other hand, our desire to control everything leads to stress, as we can't control everything. Depending on our activities, we may have limited influence on different issues.
For example, I can't control the decisions of officials, but I can control my inner state so that I can be calm.
However, very often we do the opposite. We do not control what we can, while we try to control what is beyond our control. And when we fail, we find ourselves in stress.
Another example is that I can't manage other people staying home, not going out to the street, but I can manage my agenda and plans so that I can stay home and go out when I really need to. As a result, every second we criticize those who leave their home, we get angry, we waste our precious energy on it, but there is nothing we can do, we are not able to force all people to do the same, it is beyond our control.
What can we do to get out of this trap?
1 ․ Set aside a list of actions you can control. Then put + at each point, which you control, and - which you don`t.
2 ․ Make a list of things you can't control. Then put + at each point, which you do not try to control, and minus, if you try to.
3․ Look carefully at your results, what do you notice, how do you feel? What can you do to restore your balance of control?